Were You Prepared?

There are many things that couples aren't prepared for when they get married. They're often not prepared for the changes that come with time. Many couples start out with a high level of marriage intimacy, only to see it fall by the wayside when kids, mortgages and careers come into the picture. Frequently couples will ignore these problems when they appear. They don't have the time or the energy to deal with them after a long day. They think they'll get to them eventually, but before they know it – they're living in a marriage that brings more stress than comfort.

If you find yourself in this situation, the most important thing to remember is that there is always hope. You likely married your spouse for many reasons, and those reasons are still there. You simply have to find a way to get back on the same page and to work together to improve your marriage. Remember that the first step is often the hardest – but it does get easier.

They'll Understand

 Many people who've dealt with a lack of intimacy in their marriage have felt uncomfortable and afraid to talk to their partner about the problems they're having. They worry that their partner will take the conversation personally, or that they won't feel the same way. They worry that they'll find their partner isn't willing to work on their marriage, or isn't willing to even acknowledge that there are problems.

The reality though is that your spouse is living in the same marriage that you are. They are dealing with the same day to day stresses and are likely just as nervous as you are to start a conversation about what's going on. Yet if no one does, nothing will ever change.

Take the example of the couple who've been married for 10 years. When the husband first met his future wife's family, he was served ham for dinner. In an effort to show his appreciation, he laid the praise on thick, exclaiming that he loved the ham and even asking for the recipe. When the couple was married, the wife began a tradition of cooking ham for her husband once a month.

The problem was that the wife didn't like ham. For 10 years she cooked him ham, until one day when she finally had enough and told him, “I don't like ham!” To her shock and amazement, the husband told her that he didn't care for ham either. For 10 years he had been eating their monthly ham and praising it to high heaven - all to please her. She'd been slaving away on a dish she didn't care for – all to please him.

Are You Talking to Your Spouse?

While your problems with marriage intimacy are likely more serious than eating ham once a month, this example shows us how large a role communication can play in a marriage. You might be actively working to please your partner, and they might be doing the same, but unless you both know what the other actually wants, your efforts are likely to be in vain. Talk to your partner today. Tell them how you're feeling and you'll likely be surprised with how much relief both of you feel.

When you're ready to discover additional techniques that will help deepen the intimacy in your marriage and also find out about the other communication and relationship building tips, tools, and strategies that we offer, visit us at: www.NewAgeSelfHelp.com or come by our website at: www.FocusedAttention.com